Postpartum Struggles and Transition
“You are not broken—you are becoming, and becoming can be heavy.”
Postpartum Struggles
and Transitions
Here’s the thing; to struggle is really common! Estimations which may be low, tell us that 1 in 7 women suffer postpartum mood changes. If this is you now, or has been you, or you know someone who feels or has felt this way, you are not alone. There are resources available to help us heal and make it through this process with our sanity and our new sense of self intact. There are many of this who walk similar roads and find that our attempts to “snap out of it” don’t get us back to where we think we should be, even IF we are fooling those around us.
Hope is crucial and feeling better is possible! If your feelings or your story looks even a little bit like my own, I am here to help and there is lots of help available. There is always a reason for hope and a way to support you through the process of getting you back to the mom you wanted to be. That person is still there and she will also be forever changed by this birth transition. It is okay to mourn the old you, but if you find yourself unrecognizable, it. it is okay to need some help finding her again.
In my particular story, I had to do a lot of advocating for my physical and mental health even as a medical doctor - and like most normal moms, I had little if any, reserves. I had to navigate the health system for this new vulnerable human, whom I was convinced in my darkest moments, didn’t like me at all, didn’t want me for a mother at all, and would be much better off without me. And most of the time, when I wasn’t sad (which felt like the new normal), I was resentful or numb.
The “beautiful pregnancy and childbirth journey” that I’d wanted so badly and prayed for, for so long, was not the tempered dream I had been told about firsthand or read about or talked about. I felt like I was disconnected from everyone, my baby, my partner, my daughter, my friends, my family, strangers, doctors, nurses, community, and worst of all, myself.
Post partum depression is the number one complication of childbirth. Women (and often, couples) can get “burned out” by a medical system that gives Mom an 8–10-week break (in California), and some FMLA to the second partner but little else. Many other countries realize this and treat a mother's childbirth transition differently. Mothers are given more time to integrate all the changes and challenges because it is well established how crucial the maternal child bond is in the first few years, is. Moms want and deserve compassionate, preventative, holistic, integrative, and science-backed support. Even in the best of times, this can be a “tall ask” when we are trying to keep another human alive and all parts of our being (physical, psychological, spiritual, emotional) are affected and actively evolving. A new you, and all aspects of the prior to you, along with family roles are affected. Whether they are seen or unseen, admitted or hidden, this shift in us affects dynamics that ripple downstream to those around us. New and different challenges abound as you get to know this new soul or souls that arrived. When coupled with the postpartum changes, it can seem completely overwhelming, if not impossible.
Why is this so important?
The first year after giving birth is often a challenging time where Mom can get lost in the shuffle of adoration over new life, and all the very real and necessary adjustments that come with it. Each postpartum journey, just like each pregnancy, delivery and baby, is different. The first one might have been super smooth and the second time around, the path is filled with totally different experiences.
The reality is that I was fighting a war I was not going to win alone. And my expectations of being that “good mother” only amplified this unrealistic image and my own shame. Humans evolved to parent in villages; most modern parents do it in isolation. There is pressure to return to work early for some, including financial pressures. There is stigma in communities: we are told to Be Strong, Pray About It, Just Be Grateful! These approaches can silence suffering and delays help.
As a woman of color, I have experienced challenges in multiple health care arenas prior to my own personal birth experience and since that have tinted my view of how I am seen as a woman and a patient in this country’s health care system. I’ve seen firsthand how my voice around cultural differences were left out of planning and health related conversations. I’ve walked out of appointments feeling very much like just a number.
It has made me want to give back, both to the me who walked in those shoes and needed help so badly, and to continue to care for all women, ESPECIALLY the ones that are really struggling. I want to continue to be a support to mommas going through this journey but without the limitations of a white coat and script and pen in hand and a 15 minute per patient timeline. Few things feel as bad as walking into an appointment where you are hoping to get help and relief and walking out of that same appointment feeling completely alone or worse, judged.
Let us help you create different a different experience for yourself.
As a woman of color, I also experienced a different face of medicine. In immigrant and BIPOC communities, we know there are higher rates of birth trauma, obstetric racism and being dismissed in medical settings which only increases suffering. There are very real challenges that can come with financial stress, single parenting, relationship conflicts, NICU baby stays and traumatic births and we know what things help women struggling through this period.
