Perinatal Loss and
Reproductive Trauma
“The sorrow of losing a child is not a river to cross, but a sea to be carried in.”
-Compiled from multiple grief writings.
Perinatal Loss Can Look Like A Lot Of Different Things:
One in 3-4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It is fairly common.
One in 100 pregnancies will end in still birth. These are complex and multilayered experiences that include nuances that result in grief and trauma. Pregnancy loss and trauma often doesn’t end with just the physical loss of the pregnancy. A lot of the stories for those of us who have gone through different losses can end in secrecy and isolation.
One survey stated that 46% of individuals who have experienced pregnancy loss say that it is equal in experience for them as the loss of a child. It is well established that both partners in the family system report symptoms of grief in relation to that loss. It is not just the pregnant partner who is impacted; all parties deserve to feel supported as they move through that loss.
We also know from solid research that if a woman is able to receive support moving through the pregnancy loss, she is less likely to experience a mood disorder with future pregnancies. As humans, we are wired to need other people and need connection. We have strong impulses to attach, so strong that it trumps other instinctual human behaviors. In addition, our unique attachment styles also impact the way we experience our own perinatal losses as people.
Perinatal loss triggers the attachment system and it remains activated until the bereaved finds a way to internally connect with the loss. It can be an incredibly disempowering event. It can cause a loss of a sense of belonging, financial freedom, sexual intimacy and privacy, and loss of innocence in a person’s world. It can feel like a loss of control, of trust in what we know, and a loss of parenthood or sense of oneself. It is not uncommon for us to feel “stuck” or isolated. Maybe you feel that you want to go inwards and retreat. Maybe you are just looking for answers. Maybe you want to keep ruminating and processing the loss. All of this can affect our experience. I can help you connect with providers who are trained and have experience with perinatal loss to help you move through and begin to heal. Everybody’s journey isn’t the same. We are all different in how grief is experienced. There is support available through this process.