The Proverbial Oxygen Mask

They always tell you on airplanes to put your oxygen mask on first before helping your child. Not because you love yourself more. But because if you pass out while heroically fumbling with their tiny straps, congratulations—you have now helped no one. You will be unconscious, they will be confused, and the flight attendant will be silently judging your life choices. 

Motherhood is like that. When you don’t pause long enough to secure your own breath, everything you offer comes out rushed. Fragile. Half-functional. You’re fastening their mask with shaking hands, depleted lungs, and a nervous system held together by coffee and denial. And even if you do manage it, it isn’t the calm, steady care you’re capable of giving when you yourself are resourced. 

You deserve oxygen. Full, clean, uninterrupted breaths that belong to you. Not the leftover air. Not the shallow, apologetic inhale between everyone else’s needs. You deserve gentleness from yourself. Kindness. Compassion. Grace. Because you are not just the provider of life support. You are a human being who has carried, protected, and loved with a depth that has reshaped you. 

Putting your mask on first isn’t selfish. It’s what allows you to stay conscious long enough to love them well.  Your kids will get the best parts of you if you are looking after you.  -RH